Planet Hair Nest

2007-04-28T09:07:00.000-05:00

My three year old nephew, Lake

...you see, it runs in the family!!

2007-03-23T20:27:00.000-05:00

Honestly, except for the glasses this is how I looked when I woke up this morning. Actually...now that I think about it- I remember having this dream last night that was really quite fantastical which would account for the Flying Sea Guls like hair plumage.

I was performing some major Kung Fu(not even kidding) on this evil witch/lady who was trying to spy on this little girl who was staying with me and some other people at this big mansion in some third world country. So any way I'm strolling through this dark alley and this woman comes up to me and tells me about the evil/witch lady. She warns me that I'm in grave danger- that the witch lady is trying to spy on the little girl through my body. I asked how she could spy through my body and she said "Because you are a sensitive type, she can look through your third eye."

So I asked her what I could do to help the little girl and she said, "You must leave the country at once. It is too dangerous for you and your friends to be here. And please take this dog with you. She needs a home and she has picked you as her care giver and Master."

I tried to tell her that I already had four dogs and couldn't possibly handle another one, but she wouldn't hear it. She put her hands up to her heart and pointed to Sasha, the sweet, but dirty little street dog and then to me. So Sasha followed me back to the mansion where I was staying and the next thing I know I've some how come up with the brilliant idea of putting cloves of garlic and a bandanna over my forehead so the witch lady can't see through my third eye. But the witch lady is powerful and so she tries looking through my thigh which starts pulsing and twitching and burning, so I rub garlic on it. And that's when I realize that I am an amazing Kung Fu Priestess of the Light.

Suddenly the witch lady manifests herself into the room and so ensues a fierce girl on girl battle. I am astounding myself with these amazingly impressive flying and kicking maneuvers. At one point I was upside down standing on the ceiling!! I am clearly giving this ole' witch a run for her money and then I take this powerful stance in the middle of the floor (like Gandolf in The Lord of the Rings, Twin Towers movie when he tells that demon on the edge of the cliff "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!") and I say to her in this other worldly voice "I am a Being of LIGHT and I command you to leave at once!!"

So of course she does and then I wake up and catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and head straight for the computer to take pictures for my silly little blog.

The End.

xxoo amy

2007-02-21T09:11:00.000-05:00

My darling fiance just walked by, took one look at the back of my head and replied jubilantly
"The Hairnest is back!!"

So of course I immediately photographed the evidence without even glancing into a mirror first- now that's trust! Then I looked at the pictures and saw how wretched I look, but fortunately for all, I just don't give a Crap. So let's hear it for early morning wretchery!!

gotta run- have a pleasant day!
xxoo amy

2007-01-30T22:34:00.000-05:00

This is what a nice warm hat does to my hair. It gives it a good ole' matted down, spit-curl look which I tend to enjoy tremendously...and--there were no clips involved!!

2006-12-19T09:30:00.000-05:00

Hello there goodly people!!!

Although my hair is shorter now, my dear friend Karis pointed out to me this morning that it has amazing mashed doll head hair-like qualities. I find her analogy to be rather right on.

Have a wonderful day, and don't forget to take the cheese ball out of the freezer for the office party!

xxoo amy

2006-03-24T10:50:00.000-05:00

Rip Taylor
recently paid me a visit!!

I had no idea, but apparently Rip Taylor is a huge fan of Planet Hair Nest. So anyway he came to Nest Headquarters to pay me a visit and we had such a marvelous time together. I'm telling you- it was one of the most delightful chats with a celebrity that I've ever had! We mostly talked about my hair and how envious he is of it's nocturnal adventures, but we also talked about real life issues...like...crows feet...and sagging upper eye lids...and...dental implants...and ...oh, just all sorts of deep and important things. We hit it off so splendidly that he asked me to join him for lunch with he and his lover sometime next week!! How thrilling is that??!! Of course I'll tell you all about it- don't you worry...until next time...
HAPPY NESTING!!

2006-03-21T10:22:00.000-05:00

HAPPY SPRING!!

2006-03-07T11:45:00.000-05:00

Meet the Planet Hair Nest secretary, Mitzy Miller!!

Whenever there is a problem at Hair Nest Headquarters, Mitzy is our Go-To gal. She mounts that problem like a crazed cow and stays in the saddle till there's milk in her can.

Where, oh where would we be without our lov-er-ly MITZY??

Thank you Mitzy Miller for taking the sex out of Secretary and restoring the original splendor to this most important profession...nobody does it better, Mitzy...NOBODY!!!

2006-02-06T18:33:00.000-05:00

Welcome good people who visit the PlanetHairnest:

Please, by all means check out this totally awesome gold bow on my friend Paul. Wow. That is some seriously uberific accessorizing-jazz-ma-tazzin!!
CAN I GET A WIT-NESS??

2006-01-30T11:14:00.000-05:00

Hey- look what my hair did!

Ride the wave Moon doggy!!

Or is it ribbon candy??

You decide.

2006-01-23T14:24:00.000-05:00

I was recently interviewed by
Gross Magazine

Interviewer: Amy, we've all seen how disturbed your hair gets while you sleep- which is truly amazing. I'm curious about your hairs' process. It seems like you would have to go through a lot to get your hair to look like that. So tell us- how do you get your hair to look so gross?

Amy: Wow- that's a really interesting question! Well, I have a few different methods that I've developed over the years. But, honestly- I have to say that it all comes down to the ingredients. You absolutely can not skimp on quality when it comes to ingredients. You can spend years(and believe me, I know people who have done this)developing certain methodologies and techniques- and that's all well and good- but then when it comes time to add the ingredients- they cheap out(okay...maybe it's because their funding dried up which is happening more and more)but, ultimately what they're left with is an inferior product that no one wants.

Interviewer: Would you mind sharing with us what some of your favorite ingredients are?

Amy: Sure. Well, for my hair type- which is very fine- I would have to say that my favorite ingredients are lard and talcum powder.

Interviewer: Really!!

Amy: Yeah. Really.

Interviewer: The next obvious question would be why??

Amy: The lard gives it work-a-bility and pliancy, as well as a very off-putting odor...and the talcum powder gives it a nice pastey texture and it also covers up the hairs' natural lustre. You put the two together and you have a winning combination of grossness.

Interviewer: You mentioned before using quality ingredients, so what brand of lard and talcum powder do you prefer?

Amy: Actually, I'm not allowed to give that information away due to my pending book contract. But, all that information and more will be available to every one once my book is published...which looks now like it will be mid-summer of 2006.

Interviewer: Wow- congratulations!! That's very exciting and something for our Gross readers to look forward to. Amy, I'd like to thank you for taking time today to talk to us about your gross hair.

Amy: You're very welcome!

2006-01-20T12:03:00.000-05:00

I wanna know why nobody noticed(back in october when this photo was first posted)that I have a squirrel tail growing out of my ass region??? How in God's name could you not notice that??

WAKE UP PEOPLE...WAKE UP!

p.s. i think my nests were nestier when my hair was longer

2006-01-19T10:00:00.000-05:00

my, what a lovely set of peepers you have there mam...or is it sir?

2006-01-15T11:49:00.000-05:00

A warm welcome to our Featured Guest Nest:

Brian...a.k.a. Britch...also known as Briathy

you may be asking yourself why this man known as Brian/Britch/Briathy has stopped using his Grecian formula? Well, he normally displays a beautiful silvery head full of hair- one of the best salt and pepper manes I've ever seen. But this past Halloween he dyed his hair brown so that he could do a poor imitation of a female friend of ours named Kathy(see picture with hat and wine). To her defense, and Brian's shame- he looked nothing like her- it was a very wrong characterization- but funny because he wound up so far off the mark. So Brian-Britch-Briathy has been going through an arduous process of growing out the brown. Britch dahling: I think you're just about ready for a buzz cut, wouldn't you say dear?!!
Thank you Brian for your fabulous HairNest contribution!!
xxoo amy

2006-01-13T17:34:00.000-05:00

INTRODUCING THE BEAUTY-BRA BONNET

Keep those pesky little hair nests hidden away with the Incredible new Beauty-Bra Bonnet brought to you by theVulvatic Corporation.

"It's a Bra...no wait- it's a Bonnet...no- it's a Bra...who cares what it is- it's FABULOUS!!
Barbie hair cascade of curls not included. Batteries and accessories sold seperately.

2006-01-07T13:06:00.001-05:00

Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

p.s. my hair has come out like crap the past two nights- no poof or puff- just greasy and gross looking. Apparently i haven't tossed and turned enough in my sleep- which is good news for me because it means i slept well- but bad news for nest watchers. Hey- it's all about the balance baby!

xxoo amy

2006-01-06T11:20:00.000-05:00

Just in case you didn't know...

2006-01-05T12:07:00.000-05:00

How to tell if a HairNest is
Natural or Fraudulent:

First and foremost-consider the source.
Is the person donning the Nest trustworthy?
Do they have a kindly look about them?
Do you enjoy the fragrance they are emitting from their magnetic anal-evangelical-auric field of esoterica?

Next-ask your self this simple, yet profound question:

"Am I really the person I claim to be in printed and televised advertisements?"
Your honest answer to this age old question will determine your next course of action.

COURSES OF ACTION
CHOICE A.) Ask the person in question if you can fondle it(the nest) ever so gently.
OR
CHOICE B.) Flee screaming (as loud as you possibly can)
"FRAUDULENT NEST ALERT- FRAUDULENT NEST ALERT...RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!"

I hope this information has been helpful.

With pure and natural nestly love,
xxoo amy

2006-01-03T19:26:00.000-05:00

Honk if you love to fart!!

2006-01-01T12:54:00.000-05:00

NEW YEARS DAY 2006

Happy New Year to all you Nest-a-teers!

Whaddaya say we usher in the new year with someone who is relatively new to Planet Earth? Good people of Planet HairNest: I give you my nephew, Lake. May he long uphold the tenants of the HairNest and hence(and hither-to-fore) enjoy a rich and happy life filled with multitudes of magic and HairNest power !!

SALUTE!!

2005-12-30T13:38:00.000-05:00

xmas 2005

Oh dear lord, it's been a while!! Ah shucks kids, my sister strong armed me into getting back into the blog business. She claimed she was sick and tired of looking at that blonde bitch with the black mustache. To my defense- I have been busy with various secret government projects and what not. But, I'm happy to report that I received a new digital camera for xmas and I swear to Jimminy Cricket that I'm really gonna try to keep you people entertained with my magical little hair nests!

This year instead of participating in the mass slaughter of innocent conifers and their close cousins, I decided to order one of those delightfully tacky tinsel trees. I looked high and low on line until I found the perfect one! I excitedly placed my order for a beautifully bouyant and gleeful three foot pink tinsel tree. I even paid extra for two day shipping. Well, a week and a half later the U.P.S. guy drops off this mamed little brown card board box that looked like it held the wing of a 10" paper air plane. Those on line bastards mistakenly sent me the scrapyard dog/elfin version of a pink tinsel tree!! Plus- they forgot to send the tree stand! So my clever boyfriend, Mark...I mean fiance'(still Mark) stuck it in a wine bottle with a matching pink label. Then I went to town on the thing with my glue gun and some fluffy pink feathers...and alas-she was transformed into a spritely lookin' little pink tree named Teeny!

Well...that's it for now...I hope you all had a lovely holiday and I assure you that I'll be back tomorrow with more nestly goods.

p.s. Mark saw a bumper sticker yesterday that read " I heart(symbol) to fart"

get it...I love to fart??? Dang- I should have invented that bumper sticker!!!

peace
xxoo amy

2005-11-16T13:22:00.000-05:00

Hi kids. Sorry i haven't had any new posts for you lately. I was feeling a little sicky there for a few days, plus i've been busy writing my memoirs for the Biography Channel. Can you believe it??

Yeh, I can't either.

See you soon!
xxoo amy

2005-11-10T10:07:00.000-05:00

November 10, 2005

Excerpted from Rolling Stone magazine-November, 2005 issue
(in review)
"Word: The Natural Born Allstars is quite possibly the best new band to come a long since Nirvana. But don't even think of comparing their sound to the ground breaking band that set the Grunge movement in motion. The Natural Born Allstars have set out to define a totally new musical genre they're calling Rustic Labiatic Fusion.

It's an intoxicating blend of spoken word(featuring positive affirmations, painfully honest and revealing excerpts from an anonymous persons diary and some hysterical fart & poop sampling) as well as some amazing solos on the Jews harp, incredible drumming(done mostly on a formica kitchen table top), and out of this world guitar riffs by the only real musician in the band who also happens to be a psychologist. A must have for any music aficionado! 4 blazing stars for the Natural Born Allstars!

2005-11-09T13:51:00.000-05:00

November 9, 2005

Truth be told: the batteries are dead in our camera, and I'm not sure when we will get around to replacing them...and so...
Today we'd like to introduce the viewing audience to Deepak Chopra and his overbearing & abusive mother, Chutney Chopra.

Few people know the true origins of the beloved, best selling author, Deepak Chopra. Because, to this day- Deepak Chopra is a momma's boy. Yes, sir-ee-bob...little baby Deepak wants to protect his miserable mommy from her impending karmic doom. Deepak Darling: you should know better...Karma escapes no one. Karma will hunt you down like a bloodhound and force you to ante up. The good news is that once you do put your chips in (so to speak) you're on the road to enlightenment!

So you see people...when it's all said and done, it really does help if you come from a dysfunctional family dynamic, or have suffered some kind of horrific abuse at the hand of another, because quite frankly- "You're on the fast track to financial freedom!"

...and now a word from the founder and C.E.O. of Planet Hair Nest...

Dear Reader: If you've come to P.H.N. expecting to find thought provoking, tasteful and politically correct commentary about hair nests, you've come to the wrong place. We here at Nest Headquarters believe that as a country it's high time we put aside the creatively stifling P.C. agenda and go back to making fun of everyone and everything- starting first with ourselves(...and then our best friends-thanks Carrots!!)

2005-11-08T10:08:00.000-05:00

November 8, 2005

Remember to cast your vote today!!

vaccuous voting tip: look for the candidate with the brightest smile and the whitest teeth.

I'm voting for this guy- he's HOT...and I just love a politician with an accent!!

xxoo amy

2005-11-07T11:33:00.000-05:00

November 7, 2005

(As Channelled through the WigMaster)

The young Buddah incarnate known as one, Farting Crane brings this message to you today as a gentle reminder to listen to the song stirring in your heart. Hey, that rhymes with FART!! Wow, that's wicked cool...any how, back to Farting Crane's message:
Hello?? Farting Crane are you still there? Oh dear...I think I blocked the process when I used the word Fart.

Hmm...Well, okay then...what I believe Farting Crane is trying to say to us is wake up man, the coffee's brewing and there's bills to be paid, so get your arse out of bed and get to work!!

Wait a minute, he's back...no...I had it all wrong...sorry. Farting Crane's message is one of Awakening. That's all I'm getting from him now.
Namaste
The WigMaster

2005-11-06T22:39:00.000-05:00

November 6, 2005

Oh my Gawd...my hair came out amazing today!!!! Wow. I have no idea what happened last night while I was sleeping, but judging by the way my hair looks, We(my subsuperconscious and my magical hair) kicked some serious ass last night!! Let's hear it for HAIRNEST POWER- WOO WOO!!!!! peace out... amy xxoo

2005-11-05T09:34:00.000-05:00

November 5, 2005

Today's Focus: Coifed Hairdos- and their ability to make or break a person

Hector, Hairdresser to the Stars
On top is a publicity photo of Hector and one of the stars from the 70's cult classic movie, Planet of the Apes. Not quite sure what the point of this picture is..oh yeah, I remember now. Doesn't it seem like Hector's trying a little too hard to look like Warren Beatty in the movie Shampoo? And look at how he's manhandling that ape woman with his Goody brand barbers' comb? Who does he think he is?? Hector, Hairdresser to the Stars...that's who.

And on the bottom is a campaign photo from the widely publicized trial of 1987, Lori Hawke VS. The Barbizon School of Modeling. Although Hawke ultimately lost the suit, she was heralded by advocacy groups throughout the country as a champion for teenage girls' in their plight for claiming their personal identity through her unflinching willlingness to show herself modeling really bad hairdos in an effort to dissuade impressionable young girls from entering into the vaccuous and soulsucking world of modeling.

You're a winner in my eyes Lori...kuddos to you, kiddo!

xxoo amy

2005-11-04T08:40:00.000-05:00

November 4, 2005

Todays Special:
Dogs Hair Nest Pie
It's the most dee-licious hair pie you've ever tasted!!

Last night my boyfriend Mark pulled the television away from the wall to hook up the VCR so I could hold him hostage for hours watching old videos of me and my friends doing skits and this is the mound he found. Quite impressive, I'd say. It took four dogs ONE DAY to generate all that hair!! Can you imagine?? Fortunately for me, I find sweeping to be quite therapeutic. Have a wonderful day folks!!
xxoo amy

2005-11-03T18:09:00.000-05:00

November 3, 2005

Today on P.H.N. we'd like to feature the cover art from
our dear friend, Karis Wiggins' just released CD entitled
Karis Wiggins Songs from the Sea

Dear Lord, does that womans talent never end???
I'll tell you what - that song "Before there were
cell phones there were sea shells" is a real
chart topper! It's one of those songs that you just can't
seem to get out of your head, but not because it's bad...
or annoying...or trite, but because it's just so darn goooooood.

Anyway, my hair came out like crap today people. No poof.
No puff. I just couldn't make the nest happen.
Frankly, I think it's a nice break from the monotony of hair
nests. I mean, seriously, what's the shelf life of that gig?
xxoo amy

2005-11-02T11:36:00.000-05:00

November 2, 2005

Say Happy Birthday to my Dad, Jim Morrissey, he's 78 today!!

2005-11-02T11:25:00.000-05:00

November 1, 2005
Perhaps all is not lost after all. I think posing alongside our double wide made all the difference in the world, why it looks like a cyclone blew through our trailer park last night!!
Planet HairNest LIVES!!!!!!!!

2005-11-02T11:12:00.000-05:00

October 31, 2005

Grettings Ya'll. Oh dear- I think I ruined Planet HairNest by getting my hair cut. I thought getting myself a sassy new hairdo would demonstrate my ability to embrace change and be a flexible person in the world, as well as a stylish one. How wrong I was. Look at that...there's no nesting capability in that cropped mop! Please forgive me, for I knew not what I was doing!!
Regretfully yours,
Amy

2005-11-02T10:41:00.000-05:00

October 29, 2005

Remember the tv show from the seventies called Kung Fu starring one of the Carradine boys? Well, for a Halloween party this year my boyfriend was the Carradine character, the beloved Grasshopper, and i was the blind Master Po.
As always...Enjoy it!!
xxoo amy

2005-11-02T10:31:00.000-05:00

October 28, 2005
Sorry kids, no hair nest photo available today. However, I've included a nice picture of a baby in a lions' mouth....enjoy xxoo amy

2005-10-27T12:59:00.000-05:00

October 27, 2005
Greetings fair friends. Due to the snide transgendered remark I received in yesterdays' comment section from one, Farting Crane, I decided to go au'natural. I have a comment for Mr. Farting Crane-Maybe I was trying to look like a drag queen...yeh, did you ever consider that??!! So, you see I succeeded! I'm victorious yet again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone except Farting Crane: please have a delightful day!
p.s. I think my hair came out pretty good today- all fluffy and what not.
xxoo amy

2005-10-26T10:43:00.000-05:00

October 26, 2005
Well I tried Tubby's makeup suggestions...............whadayathink????? I'm going to keep the commentary short and sweet and let the pictures speak for themselves today. xxoo amy

2005-10-25T10:22:00.000-05:00

October 25, 2005
Well, hello there every one! In today's Planet Hair Nest I'd like you all to pay particular attention to my improved posture. Whaddayathink? I think it's markedly better. Holy crap though people, I'm feeling like it might be nicer for everyone if I try some of those make up tips that Tubby the House Cat suggested in yesterdays' photoshoot. I mean maybe just a little foundation to even out the skin tone and some concealer to hide the blemishes and dark circles under the eyes.
Seriously: to what length should I suspend my vanity for this blog??

p.s. I'd like to thank my boyfriend, Mark for taking his pink slip seriously and returning to work on time today- GREAT JOB HONEY!!
bye bye for now!
xxoo amy

2005-10-24T16:05:00.000-05:00

Oct. 24, 2005

Today Tubby the house cat helped me with my Planet Hair Nest photo session. He had some really amazing suggestions for how to adjust the lighting during photo shoots to make it more flattering for my skin tone and hair color, as well as some really great tips on makeup application. UBER PROPS TO TUBBY!!
until tomorrow..xxoo amy p.s. share your thoughts about P.H.N. with me by sending me an email at this address:(not a link!!) amylouhoo@gmail.com Question??? should i be embarrassed by these photographs? Because, for some reason- I'm not...and frankly, that scares me a bit.

2005-10-24T15:45:00.000-05:00

October 23, 2005

My hair nest photographer over slept and missed the shoot this morning, therefore the top notch quality you've grown accustomed to enjoying on Planet Hair is severely compromised today. But, don't worry. He received a pink slip at lunch time and I think he got the message.

I'd like to add that I do believe that Teetsie Roy fella was onto something with the comment about my overused doll head...frankly, she's lookin' like she's ready to be popped off, I mean really- how much more hard rubbing can my little ole' noggin take???????

Well people...we'll soon find out, won't we? YES WE WILL!!

xxoo bye bye for now.........Amy
p.s. who are you Teetsie Roy???????

2005-10-22T09:34:00.000-05:00

kids...I just gotta tell ya something.

I don't know how the freak to format the pictures and the text in this darn blog- they won't give me the control I need at Blog Central. I put a picture here and it ends up...

There.

That's very frustrating to the perfectionist in me. So, please just bare that in mind. Also, I'm aware that some of the captions on the pictures are illegible- I'll work on that in tomorrow's post. Now I really do need to get some other things accomplished in my day besides spreading joy, laughter, and ridicularity through out the land.

xxoo amy

2005-10-22T09:08:00.000-05:00

Good Morning Class.

Well, it didn't come out quite as good as I thought it would. Apparently I didn't "toss & turn" enough last night. I like the comment some one made about my hair nest looking like a dolls' head that was rubbed too hard(or something like that) and they thought I could just "pop it off and put a new one on". Interesting concept.

I would like to thank you all for visiting Planet Hair Nest. Please come back soon!!
xxoo Amy

2005-10-21T22:24:00.000-05:00

Ever since I started my new blog, Planet Hair Nest, it’s all I can think about!! I’ve caught myself thinking through out the day “I wonder how my hairs’ gonna come out tomorrow?” P.S. I’m kinda thinking it’s gonna be pretty good…’cause this mornings’ was goood, and I never did get around to washing my hair today so it’s still chocked full of sea salt from last nights’ bath and sweat from todays’ long walk around Green Lakes with my boyfriend and our four dogs.

Speaking of which, I would like to give a big round of thanks (and applause) to my beautiful boyfriend, Mark(pictured at right as a young sailor boy) for taking the Hair Nest pictures today…(read to yourself in a Monty Python accent) and every day heretofore, lest there come a time when the Planet Hair Nest blog shalt not be held in a state of exultation and considerable glee!!

Oh!! I had a wonderful idea today. I thought- Gosh, what if people post comments on the blog about what they think my hair nests look like or what sort of activities they think my hair was involved in the night before. What do you think?? I think that sounds like fun. But, maybe you don’t. In which case, just don’t tell me…I mean, don’t lie to me, but don’t tell me either. However, all other comments may be submitted to the blog or emailed to me directly at amylouhoo@hotmail.com(this is not a link- can't seem to get it to work...sorry)
“Nighty – night”
Amy

2005-10-21T12:30:00.000-05:00

Good Morning Vietnam!!!
Just kidding- holy crap, what went on last night with my magical hair ???

Check out ... "THE EYE OF THE STORM " enjoy it! xxoo Amy